October 2010
you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.
antony and the johnsons - rapture ♥
sometimes i’m terrified of my heart. of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. the way it stops and starts.
reality is a shared hallucination.
CHROMATIC 1. a. relating to colors or color. b. relating to color perceived to have a saturation greater than zero. 2. music a. of, relating to, or based on the chromatic scale. b. relating to chords or harmonies based on nonharmonic tones.
life is all about timing. the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable, attainable. have the patience, wait it out. it’s all about timing.
seems that i have been held, in some dreaming state a tourist in the waking world, never quite awake no kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber until i realise that it was you who held me under
felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs
no more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone no...
now let me speak with careless heart.
ordered, methodical and systematic habits and behavior.
my songs, my plans and my dreams.
keep your heart close to the ground.
this is the thing about words; they usually are clear and specific, but when you talk about feelings, words are too stiff, too vague, they are this but can also be that, they don’t include all the meanings. they always leave something out.
kill selected memories.
i write differently from what i speak, i speak differently from what i think, i think differently from the way i ought to think, and so it all proceeds into deepest darkness.
i still have the lonely child’s habit of making up stories and holding conversations with imaginary persons. a sort of private world in which i can find what is missing in my everyday life.
yes, i guess you could say i am a loner, but i feel more lonely in a crowed room with boring people than i feel on my own.
comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss my lips, sunsets to warm my heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for my eyes to see, friendships to brighten my being, faith so that i can believe, confidence for when i doubt, courage to know myself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete my life.
i am the autumn.
